In the humorous tradition of Kurt Vonnegut and Douglas Adams, Alan Felyk tells the tale of a love triangle that has been recruited by Fate to preserve eternity. Something is wrong with humanity’s DNA, meaning no candidates will be qualified to replace God when the Universe reboots. And, to complicate matters, overgrown mosquitos from another galaxy have designs on becoming the chosen ones.
The novel blurs the difference between probability and possibility. Unlikely events in the late 1960s propel Paul Tomenko to riches and fame before his sophomore year in college. And the cherry on top is Maggie Mae Monahan, a beautiful, highly intelligent blonde who becomes his girlfriend.
However, the Universe demands payback for his good fortune just months before graduation. Maggie Mae is swept away to head a top-secret job for the Pentagon, which views Paul as a subversive counterculture icon. Then he is killed in an automobile accident and ushered into the Afterlife by a gatekeeper that resembles Cher, the singer-actress. And what would be the odds that he would become the first human EVER to physically collide with God?
Even the Creator is skeptical of coincidences in a Universe full of them.
Paul soon finds himself splitting time on Earth and in God’s library, which is located somewhere off the GPS grid. And while Maggie Mae is saving the Earth through her top-secret project, Paul’s task is a little more daunting. He is told to repair whatever is wrong in the Afterlife so that Cher can butt-slap the soul of every living organism that’s ever existed into higher planes of existence.
It’s a schedule that will demand short Chef Boy-ar-dee lunches.
Paul could use the expertise of his missing love, but his imagination provides the next best thing: Katharine Ross the Librarian, a figment modeled after the actress for whom he lusts. She knows where all the information is stored if Paul can only tell her what he needs. Meanwhile, when he’s back on Earth, he must contend with Allie Briarsworth, a stunning redhead who was hired to be Paul’s assistant. And while he professes steadfast love for Maggie Mae, he soon realizes that he loves Allie as well.
But the clock is ticking, and life on Earth is about to take a licking. After Paul discovers that the Cassamarians, the mosquito men from the Andromeda Galaxy, have sabotaged humanity’s DNA, he is told the end is nigh. God’s subcontractors–Space, Time, Energy, and Matter–have to clean up the Solar System’s version of Aisle Three and prevent the proliferation of additional souls.
Despite the help of Maggie Mae, Allie, two superintelligent six-year-old neo-Neanderthal children, a Japanese-American bioengineer who believes he can’t die, and the head of a genetics laboratory who knows how to manipulate the government, Paul eventually realizes he will have to pull something out of his ass … literally.
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The son of Ukrainian immigrants, Alan Felyk was born in St. Paul, Minnesota, in 1950. His family moved to Colorado in 1957, and he has lived in the Denver area for most of his adult life.
A University of Colorado graduate in news-editorial journalism, he worked as a public information aide for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration while earning his degree.
Felyk started his newspaper career as a sports editor for Sentinel Newspapers in Denver and moved to general assignment reporting. He became senior editor of the four newspapers in Adams County. He also wrote freelance music articles for several national publications.
In 1984, Felyk joined Lockheed Martin (then Martin Marietta) as a technical editor. He worked on numerous new-business proposals for the Department of Defense and the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. He retired in 2011 from his post as manager of the Lockheed Martin’s Space Systems Company Editorial and Graphics department in Denver.
During his life, Felyk also worked as a groundskeeper, janitor, road crew worker, survey crew assistant, busboy, waiter, houseboy, and taxi driver.
He’s a serious music fan (his iPod contains more than 27,000 songs), and he enjoys science fiction and humor. And, of course, writing.